by Sarah Wild Stout, class of 2011
never imagined my life would lead me here. I woke up early this morning to shower with this special
soap and I had to have my husband write “Yes” on my right shoulder so that the
surgeon and everyone at the hospital can’t mistakenly take the wrong
breast. I just hope that after
today this whole thing is over.
This will be the third surgery I’ve had on this breast and I don’t have
any other option but to have them take it all. I can’t risk having this cancer spread. My kids are still too young to lose
So here I
am riding with my husband to the hospital to have surgery again. This trip feels more somber than the
last two. Probably because the
last two times, we haven’t gotten the results we’d hoped for. This all started because my sister
insisted that I go get a mammogram because her best friend had one done and
they caught an abnormality so early, they still considered it pre-cancer. I wasn’t so lucky. They saw something abnormal so they
made me do more tests: ultrasounds, biopsies, more mammograms, and
surgery. We were hopeful after the
first surgery that the pathology report would be favorable, but when that didn’t
turn out right, we were of course disappointed and scared. We were still hopeful that the after
the second surgery that the pathology report would say “clean margins”, but of
course, it didn’t.
That brings us
to today. Getting rid of any
tissue I have left…including my nipple.
I chose to have my breast reconstructed, but it won’t have a
nipple. At least I’ll have the
same shape, but I don’t think I’m prepared for how different it will look. I also hope that this will be the last
time I recover from surgery for a long time. Waking up from anesthesia is terrible and I hate how my
throat feels for the next couple of days.
Like I said, I really hope that after today this is all over and this
cancer scare is behind us. I know
things like this are never really over, but maybe my family and I can breathe
more easily for a little while after today.